issue 24 > light verse > wayman
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The Poet Who Mistook His Watch for a High School Principal
by Tom Wayman
An anomaly of nature
Means a chemical outgassed from metal used to fashion microphones
Is identical to
a substance released from the lignin of wood
When configured to form a podium.
The vapor from either source negatively impacts
Only the region
of the human left cerebral hemisphere
Assigned to temporal processing. Markedly susceptible individuals--
Particularly poets and scholars, for some reason--
May have
mastered time-telling skills when four years old
And, as adults, can be functional enough
To arrive at an airport on time to catch a plane
And to appear at
the assigned time to perform in public.
Yet if this person approaches a lectern,
Especially when a microphone is present,
he or she ceases
to be able to comprehend
A wristwatch or any device that indicates
Minutes and hours. Such situational aphasia
Occurs most
often, though science is uncertain why,
In the presence of colleagues who have been asked to read or speak
During the same event. The victim will invariably utter,
Well into her or
his performance:
"How much time do I have?" A variation or addition to this question is:
"Do I have time for more?" Or: "...for a few more?"
Luckily, once
the afflicted individual is removed
From the podium, this failure of an entire cognitive circuit
Is reversed almost at once
Without
discernible aftereffects.
Thus the pathology, though fascinating,
Represents no ongoing health threat.
And, of course,
no sufferer should be blamed.